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If I offered you a million dollars to build me a spaceship, with just
the tools, materials you have on your person and armed only with the knowledge
you now possess, chances are, no matter how motivated, you would probably
fail. Chances, are you do not currently have the knowledge, tools,
skills, materials or even a blueprint to get the job done. Most of
us are doing the same type of job with our relationships! However,
if I told you that you could hire as many consultants as you
needed, and read as many books as you would like, attend as many classes
as you desired, and gave you all the tools and materials you required,
then the picture might change.
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Nature's
Blueprint
In Nature all life has embedded within its genetic structure - a "blueprint,"
if you will - of what it will be in maturity. As humans we not only
have a physical blueprint, but we also seem to have a social, emotional,
psychological and spiritual blueprint. Each of us has various tasks
that need to be completed in a required order, at various ages or stages
of childhood. Along the way, however, this blueprint is often
disrupted and distorted, as several of the important tasks of childhood
were left incomplete or possibly even sabotaged by parents who only did
the best they could. In effect, inside of us are parts of ourselves
frozen at these various stages of childhood. We only look like adults
walking around, but in fact we are the walking wounded and we are merely
children in adult bodies.
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Wounded
in Relationship
Just as Nature has an agenda to heal all wounded life, it also has an
agenda to heal us, and since we were all wounded in relationship, we must
also heal in relationship. No longer can we be healed by our Parents,
however, since we are no longer dependent upon them. They are no longer
the ones we look to for survival. We now must be healed by someone
who reminds our Subconscious of our Parents. That Subconscious part
of our Brain, which is responsible for our survival, we call the Old Brain.
It does not know the difference between persons or time. It only
recognizes how it felt in the presence of the "Significant Other."
So it yearns to have healing from our Parents, who it now confuses with
our intimate Partner. Healing can occur only in an intimate, committed
relationship!
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Romantic
Love - a temporary anesthesia
Part of the problem is that when you fall in love, you think that this
feeling should last forever. When it doesn’t, you think you made
a mistake, your Partner has somehow tricked you, or your love has
died. What you probably don’t know is that Romantic Love is
only a temporary anesthesia and must end! Nature has given
us Romantic Love to bond us with a Partner who is perfect to help
us heal. What we don’t know is, that for now, this partner is least
capable of meeting our needs the most! Why would we want to pick
this type of Partner? Because that is the Partner our Old Brain confuses
with our Parents!
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Conflict
is normal and necessary!
Another part of the problem is that we also do not realize that Nature
has just bonded us with a Partner who is perfectly and totally incompatible!
Our partners and ourselves are 2 different and totally opposite people!
This, of course, sets conflict into motion. But in Nature, ALL things
grow in conflict or with pressure exerting a force against it. Think
of a weight lifter, or a sail boat, or a heart pumping blood. Even
the giant Sequoia Redwood only grows upward because of gravity pulling
downward! Without conflict, not much happens! So conflict is normal
and necessary! Conflict creates the chemistry and the energy for
growth. It is how we navigate through it and use it, that counts!
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We
must learn from our partner
The way out of this dilemma is to understand that our Partner has the
Blueprint for our Growth in their needs. Our Partner will always
call upon us to change and grow! So we must learn from our Partner and
change to meet their needs! This causes us to grow and, in the process,
to heal our Partner. Most importantly, I must be willing to change first!
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A
Time of Preparation As a Single, you are in a perfect position to begin to prepare for an
intimate, committed relationship, because you can begin the growth process
NOW!
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You can become more aware of your Childhood Wounds and how you adapted
to those wounds.
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You can begin to learn who your Imago Match is and begin to reclaim some
of your missing parts.
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You can begin to reclaim some of your projections, that got you into trouble
in your previous relationships.
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You can learn from your past relationships, since we almost always repeat
some form of these patterns.
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You can learn from your current relationship, by recognizing your own negative
patterns.
Accomplishing these tasks will not only prepare you for a more successful
relationship, but will also help you pick a partner who is at a level of
growth matched to yours.
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How
do we do this?
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Singles' Workshop - Attend a Keeping
the Love You Find weekend workshop to start the journey, learning more
about all of this.
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Group therapy - Learn who you are through other's eyes and practice new
behaviors by participating in an Imago Singles' group.
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"Practice Relationships" - Begin to practice being who you really are,
in situations that are relatively "low risk." This might include
friendships, dating, or even individual therapy.
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Couples' Workshop - Attend a Getting
the Love You Want Workshop when you find a partner with whom you desire
an intimate, committed relationship.
The Journey to the Relationship of Your Dreams
begins by
taking a single step. Make the commitment to yourself and your future relationship
to take that step now. Keep the Love You Find by being the best you
can be!
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Find out
Who Your Perfect Partner is!
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Why, with about 67% of all marriages ending in divorce, do 80% of all
divorced people remarry within 2 years? You would think people would
be so burnt on relationships that they would not want anything to do with
them! And, while there are a few who do refuse to try again, most
people seem feel an Unconscious yearning to be in relationship -
in intimate relationship. When we fall in love we feel whole
again!